Discipline

So, I see that LJ has not been on to blog all week either. Where you at girl?? Here is my confession of why I have not been on.
After last weeks weigh in, I was so excited about the weight loss. I had really strong days of working out and eating right and then the weekend hit. I am going to struggle so much with the weekends! They are a true test to my abilities of successfully reaching my goal. Here is the confession, I did not work out at all this weekend and I did not do so well with my eating either. I am dreading tomorrow and the potential gain. How could I possibly gain?! It is so early on. SIGH
However, I did better with my eating yesterday and I got up early and exercised this morning. I am not going to let this set back and potential gain cause me any type of issue. I AM going to be successful at this.
Last night, I watched a couple of episodes of Dance Your Ass Off on lifetime. As I watched all of these overweight people dancing, I realized that I am one of them. I have always watched shows like The Biggest Loser and what not and thought "At least I am not that heavy." But I am. I weighed the same as one of the girls on the show. I would have qualified for the show. I do not want to be in denial any longer about the weight that I have gained. It may have only been a few pounds here or there, but those few pounds have added up to a whole lot.
Recently, I had a conversation with a client who is working on changing old behaviors. He said to me, "if only I had the discipline that it takes, I would not be in the place that I am now. For example, I would like to lose weight and I know that if I discipline myself to eat right and exercise, I can lose that weight."
Dictionary.com defines discipline as: "activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training." I want this blog and this journey to be a regimen that helps me to develop the skill of eating healthy and exercising. I want to properly complete this training so that my son and my daughter learn at an early age that being active and eating right are just a natural part of life. I want it to be second nature for myself as well as them.
My Mom and I were discussing on Sunday her Weight Watchers group and how some of the participants have said they will attend this group and count points for the rest of their lives. I honestly felt so discouraged thinking about it. I kept thinking that I do not want to struggle and have to be so particular for the rest of my life. I want to get at my healthy weight and then be done with it. I felt intimidated by this whole process of disciplining myself. Right now, it is very hard work. It is not second nature. I want to reach for the chips and a can of soda, but I do not exercise self- control in those areas so they have to be a not at all for me. (Yes, that means I am giving up chips as well. ARGH!)
Anywho, no matter what the scales say tomorrow, I am not going to give up. This is a lifelong journey. There will be seasons in the journey that will be very easy and then there will be other times that are very hard. Right now, I am in a very hard season. But at least I am in and not just a bystander any longer.